These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize