Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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