Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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