he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
