just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
as a side note pls kill me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
