fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
