trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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