i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
