Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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