Sry I called you an 8
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
