Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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