can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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