Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
