Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
