There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
