You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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