i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize