Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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