We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
