Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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