i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
