you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
