It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
