I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
