ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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