he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
