Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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