I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
