All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
