i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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