I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
