he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
