god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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