Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
