so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize