get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
