I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
