do herpes really smell.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
