Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have fence marks all over my body
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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