I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
