STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
