The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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