Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
