woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm too high and old for this...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
