Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
