dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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