girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize