God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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