I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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