How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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