Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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