I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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