So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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