my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
