I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
