My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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