Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
