Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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