Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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