WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
