Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
