U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
