Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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