Betty ford says i'm here all night
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
