You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
