There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I want to have your abortion
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
