she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
