Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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