Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
