Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
