I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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